once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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