obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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