I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
