I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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