hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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