the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
