piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
