Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
