So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
