his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
