So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
