It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
