eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
