Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
