dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
