this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
