nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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