The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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