I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
