I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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