how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
