Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
