I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
