Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
