Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
