She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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