If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
