Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
