I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
