I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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