oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
