my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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