I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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