ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
