we have officially lost it.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
