new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
