Only a mothe r could love this liver
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
