At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
