I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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