just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
