i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
