if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
