HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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