mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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