She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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