Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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