Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Enjoy the penises
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
