I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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