like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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