My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
