I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
