I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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