I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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